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Five Funny Valentine's Day Poems for Cards

written by: Michael Guerrero•edited by: Amber Neely•updated: 12/14/2010

Funny Valentine's Day poems are great ways to break the norms and traditions of Valentine's Day if you and your significant other prefer humor in your lives or maybe you just want to make a friend laugh. We have gathered some great funny Valentine's Day poems for you to use on your cards.

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    Funny Valentines Day Poems

    Heart, heart, heart. Happy Valentines Day. It's kind of difficult to find funny Valentines Day poems because it's not traditionally a holiday where you are supposed to make a lot of jokes. However, I have always been told that the key to a fantastic relationship has always been humor and so I wanted to provide you with a collection of silly, fun, and bubbly poems!

    So, here are five relatively family friendly and safe for work, funny Valentines Day poems for you to use on your Valentines Day cards and other DTP projects.

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    Sweet Mystery

    Chocolates for you to enjoy on Valentines Day. For Valentines Day,

    My husband, so sweet,

    Bought hand made chocolates,

    For me as a treat.

    In a flower covered box,

    Came the delicious confection,

    But I am at a loss to answer.

    A most curious question.

    How can two pounds of chocs,

    So delicious on the lips,

    Manage in just one night,

    To put 5lbs on my hips?

    The traditional eating too much sweets humor is always a fan favorite so it had to show up here in this article at some point. This poem is probably best sent as an e-card to friends and family members.


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    Stuck On You

    Glue guns. Keeping us all uncomfortably close. You were so distant

    Now we're as one

    Thanks to some duct tape

    And a glue gun

    This one is short, silly, and fun. Give it to a friend or your love interest and maybe threaten them by holding up a roll of duct tape or glue gun.


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    Roses Are Red

    Valentines Day oranges for everyone! Roses are Red

    Violets are blue

    So why the heck aren’t they called Blues?

    I mean,

    That’s really stupid.

    It’s false advertising.

    And I cannot support it.

    So it just doesn't feel right to buy flowers for you

    For Valentine’s Day.

    But in an attempt to only support

    Things that really are the color they are named after,

    Here is a Valentine’s orange!

    You’re welcome!

    This literal humor poem is great for a quick chuckle and the best choice out of this list to send to your significant other. Obviously, this poem is best given on a card, alongside a Valentines Day orange.


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    Cherry blossoms making the shape of hearts. You are the bow

    I am the arrow

    You are the wheel

    I am the barrow

    You are the cripple

    I am the crutch

    You are the rabbit

    I am the hutch

    You are the hand

    I am the glove

    Yes, I'm a mitten

    Smitten by love

    Puns are the best type of humor, bar none. So this poem had to make an appearance in this article at some point. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.


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    Weird Uncle

    A fine red rose. Don't be surprised,

    If you see a little naked guy,

    With a bow and arrow,

    Running around your neighbourhood.

    My weird Uncle Henry,

    Is loose again.

    The second to last line of this poem can be changed up to fit your uncle's name or perhaps a friend who is weird. Definitely great to send to family and friends. (Unless you want to reveal to your significant other that you have a weird uncle!)


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    All images are used for promotional purposes only and are listed in the order they appear.