You Know You're Addicted to an MMO When...

When you suddenly realize that your stomach is rumbling, and you can’t quite remember when you had your last meal, you know you’re addicted to video games. But who can blame you? All that’s really needed for defeating your foes is an energy drink and a comfortable chair. Food is for the weak. On the other hand, if you realize that your keyboard is covered in crumbs, and your desk in littered in empty wrappers, projecting images of processed food, you also know you are addicted to video games. Known as the Cartman Phenomenon, if this situation is not remedied quick you may find yourself unable to move the mouse with your pudgy little fingers.

When someone mentions their family in game, and it dawns on you that you haven’t seen yours in months, you know you are addicted to video games. Where did they go? They may have packed up and moved far away, unable to recognize the creature that has become you. Or it could be that they are cowering in a corner, afraid of your wrath. After all, the last time someone interrupted your gaming, you raged like a wild banshee, blaming them for your unexpected demise. Who is your family to you? No one stands in the path of your greatness.

If the contact information on your business card is /tell MasterSlayer, you know you are addicted to video games. What is that buzzing in your ear? It’s your wife, and she’s trying to communicate with you. No matter, she knows how to get in touch; it’s on your business card after all. If she truly cared about you, or if it was actually important, she would contact you in game. What is that searing heat and blinding light behind you? Either your house is on fire, or a fire breathing dragon has attacked. Definitely the dragon, it’s time to get your game on.

If your children have been stolen by Fae, and gnomes have appeared in their place, you know you are addicted to video games. Gnomes are wild and crazy creatures, constantly jumping around, being loud, and tinkering with everything in your home, often leading to disaster. You, however, have taken care of this, and have used your powers of coercion to herd them into a nice little cage. There is no longer any need to worry about them tinkering with your computer. By the way, why does that cage say Fisher-Price?

If your phone never rings, and your friends and family have stopped calling, you know you are addicted to video games. It’s not your fault you could never go to dinner, see a move, hang out, attend their wedding, or be present at your uncle’s funeral… You had to raid those nights. The Queen was depending on you, and it would be unfair of them to expect you to miss out on that quest update, or the phat lewt. Besides, you know they care about you enough to not want you to get kicked out of your raid guild. This is serious business, and if you aren’t there, night after night, fighting alongside your guildmates for six to eight hours straight, the world as you know it may end.

If your wife wants to spend more time with you, and your solution is convincing your wife to play MMOs, you might be addicted to MMOs.

When you’re driving home from work, and the other cars transform into MOBs, you know you are addicted to video games. No need to worry though, you’ve got this under control. You have been training for this moment your entire life. You rev-up your engine, and plan your attack. Why are they running around in a swerving motion, and not attacking? Weaklings! They won’t escape you. Wait a minute. How did that police car get in the game?

When you never leave the game world, even in your dreams, you know you are addicted to video games. You spend so much time gaming that your mind can no longer tell one reality from another. Wait! Don't jump off that cliff! You don't have wings in this bizzare place of unreality. Night after night they come for you; there is no rest for a warrior such as yourself. And while they may prevail in this world of illusion, you will find them when you wake, and it will be total annihilation.

When you can fluently speak the Hiigh Elvish, Gnomish, and the Dwarven language, you know you are addicted to video games. Of course you can speak English, better known as the common tongue, but that’s for n00bs. You have traveled the lands, and have become cultured and knowledgeable about the world. When you respond to others using a language unknown to the ordinary, people understand that they are in the presence of someone with a higher intelligence. The fall to the floor in reverence. Why is your wife looking at you cross-eyed, and Googling local psychiatric care?

If you smell like you have been rolling around in a dumpster, you know you are addicted to video games. So what if you haven’t showered in six months? You are an Orc. You are supposed to smell. You have also been at war, and there is no time for bathing in such chaos. Besides, you reek with the scent of battle. Does it matter that your laundry is trying to claw it’s way out of the washroom? Not at all, you are perfectly fine gaming nude. In fact, it only adds to your combat speed. Clothing is way too confining.

When the quest grind has left you with a 2 inch layer of funk, you might be addicted to MMOs.

If your girlfriend has pointy ears, and never seems to age, you know you are addicted to video games. So your girlfriend is a blood elf… That fact only emphasizes your awesomeness. Everyone wishes they had an elf for a girlfriend, and those who laugh at you are jealous. Does it matter that you have never met her in real life, and she could actually be a man? Not at all, she has big boobs and a nice rear end, and that alone is enough to keep you together.