Everyone must learn that the internet is not different than the neighborhood as far as rules for respect and conduct in public places are concerned. Teenagers are still learning not to ridicule or joke about someone when that person can be hurt from their words or actions because that person can be hurt, not because they will get in trouble if the person gets hurt. Most teenagers seem to believe that parents are not able to find out what they do and how they act online. There seems to be a universal understanding between teenagers that “whatever happens online, stays online.”
Teenagers seem to have fewer inhibitions online. For the shy or introverted teenager, social networking communities and the internet may help raise their self-esteem by exposing them to new people where knowing they can leave at any moment by closing their browser if they get uncomfortable allows them the confidence to interact more freely. For some teenagers, less inhibitions and the lack of fear that they can get in trouble, can expose a tendency to say or do things they know are wrong or simply irresponsible in the everyday world. And for other teenagers, they may feel they have fallen in love with that special person online and do not respond responsibly to these new and intense emotions because they think they are unconditionally accepted or have found their true love.
A normal part of maturing is flirting. Your teenager could innocently be “just having fun” with someone online they believe is their own age. After all, they are not intending to actually meet the person. They are careful and have not given any concrete information except their email address and username. All of a sudden, harassing phone calls, nice gifts, inflammatory emails, or text messages are arriving from a complete stranger. This is NOT the fault of your child. Your child was not stupid and most likely does not know how this happened.
Teenagers want their privacy. They are maturing, learning, making independent decisions, and beginning to understand the meanings of responsibility and respect. Since parents are responsible for both their safety and actions, it would not be inappropriate for the parent to tell their teenager they will periodically visit random websites using the usernames and passwords provided by the teenager. Do this then compare the list to the "History" list in the browser for any websites they may not have yet mentioned. If you do not know how to do this, ask a friend, co-worker, or librarian. Periodically check the “History”, “Sent Email”, “Temporary Internet Files”, and “Deleted Items” folders on the computer your child uses. Look for anything not ordinary that was sent from or received by your child. Remember that many unordinary received emails could be spam and not correspondence between your child and another user.
If your child feels that you are treating them like a baby, you can remind them that employers are responsible for the safety and actions of their employees. Employees’ activities can be watched and monitored. This is not different than a parent being responsible for the safety and actions of children – any person that is legally a minor in your state - regardless of the child’s level of social, emotional, or educational maturity.
Social networking communities are a technological advancement to public forums because members can communicate in real time with pictures and words. Since the internet can legitimize any idea, belief, or act by providing a community for persons across the globe with similar ideas, beliefs, and interests to share and support each other, the possibility that your child can unwillingly be approached or develop an online friendship with someone whose values are different than your family’s values, or teaching harmful or anti-social values is not far-fetched. Parents need to be attentive to online friends and activities including online games where people (online players possibly from around the world) can communicate with each other in real time.
Monitor the blogs of teenagers. Check the computer’s History folder for websites visited that your teenager may not have mentioned yet. Allow teenagers to enjoy their blogs but discuss with them again household rules and guidelines. Review their settings at each blog. Check if anyone or only select website visitors can view or respond; and if they have any pictures or personal information posted. Remember that blogs are like webpages. They can be seen, copied, searched, and stored by anyone with permission to access including parents, teachers, guidance counselors, future employers, future friends, etc. Something posted online now can possibly be referred to in a few years. Remind teenagers not to be mean, derogatory, or threatening to anyone online. Also, your teenager needs to be careful about violating copyright laws. The copyright belongs to the creator of any music, art, or writing. Placing a link from the blog to the copyrighted material is probably the best way to avoid potential legal problems instead of posting the actual words, pictures, music, or art. And also, if you and your teenager allow posted responses or comments at their blog, be sure to review the responses on a regular basis. Remove any mean, offensive, inappropriate, and embarrassing statements. Many blog websites have minimum age requirements for registration but do not have a way to verify ages of the registrants.
Although the majority of persons using the internet are honorable and decent, there are persons in the everyday world who are not the image they create for themselves online. Teenagers sometimes pretend to be something they are not so they can flirt online. It’s fun and safe – so they think. After all, they did not provide their new online friend with their real name or address, and they are just having fun. It is a part of growing up. However, predators use these innocent flirtations to their advantage. There is no 100% sure way of knowing if the person you meet online is the same person in the everyday world. Even websites for children and teenagers can’t 100% verify the truthfulness of every internet user who registers with their website.
Each social networking community has a particular focus whether it is towards a particular age group, a particular interest, or for a particular group of people. These websites may or may not have your particular family values. The list is intended for parents to compare with the History folder of your computer and the list of websites, usernames, and passwords your children gave you just in case they forgot to mention a destination online. Social networking communities for preteens include Club Penguin http://clubpenguin.com, Iland5, Imbee, Your Sphere and Zoey’s Room.