Both parents and children need help during divorce. Children are particularly prone to problematic behaviors during these difficult times. Special attention must be given to them.
Full recovery and acceptance of the situation often takes 3 to 5years. About one third of the children especially teenagers who come from divorced homes experience long-term psychological trauma.
Teenage boys tend to show their distress through physical aggression such as bullying. Adolescents do not want to spend time in the parental home after the divorce. They prefer to stay outside and hang out with friends. Divorce is often cited as one of the reasons for attempting suicide. As a matter of fact, recent divorce or separation of parents is one of the indicative points or predictors that suicide may occur.
In order for children to cope well with divorce, it is important for each parent to continue relating to the child even if he/she shows some anger, resentment or aggression. In order for the teenagers to fully recover, it is important for the divorced couple to refrain from arguing in front of the children and must be consistent in their behavior toward the child.
Communication is very important during this difficult phase. The parties concerned may have different communication styles but what matters is arriving at a solution or a common ground that addresses the dilemma properly.
Divorce is considered as the primary reason for juvenile delinquency and school dropouts. As discussed earlier, students coming from broken homes are more than twice likely to drop out of school than those with complete families.
The most important thing to develop during difficult times is resiliency. For people who are in the midst of the horrors of divorce - be it parents or kids - it is important to learn to roll with the punches. Being resilient enables the parties to adjust to the changes quickly and perhaps later, learn to accept the situation.
Some children/divorced parents though despite negative experiences in their lives have better coping mechanism. Some students are found to be more resilient. For resilience to happen these factors have to present: when (a) children living in situations exposing them to risk (b) show better-than-predicted results (c) apparently due to some intervening factors. In essays written by students about their personal experiences, the intervening processes which contribute to their resilience to adversity seem to stem from inner characteristics or traits such as perseverance, determination, and ability to learn from the risk-attrition process. Support from family and teachers are also highly motivational and helps promote successful adjustment.
Concrete actions that would help adolescents from broken homes develop resiliency are: 1). providing programs in reading and tutoring, 2). Providing counseling services, 3). establishing a nurturing environment, 4). Provide opportunities for students to do community service, 5). Programs after school and 6). Recreational activities directed to young people.
Addressing the problems and its symptoms is important for coping mechanism but knowing the underlying reasons for the symptoms would greatly help resolve the problem for good. Investing in activities that promote adolescent health whether physical, emotional or psychological would greatly help the student develop resilience.
From a psychological standpoint, these actions would help children from incurring further problems such as dropping out of school or juvenile delinquency. This is because psychological theories encourage those undergoing stressful events to talk or vent their thoughts and feelings to prevent serious post-traumatic symptoms. Activities that would enable the child to talk to other people especially counseling will greatly alleviate their feelings of inadequacy against the situation. The young child’s continued silence only bottled their feelings which could cause them long-term emotional distress.