Avoid Offending Others by Being up on Germany's and Turkey's Table Manners

 If you think meeting friends' parents for the first time over dinner is rough, imagine if those friends were from another country. While learning the language for the country you may be travelling to is important, you shouldn't overlook the importance of learning about the customs and culture of the country you will be visiting.

Should you ask for seconds or not? Are you using the proper cutlery for the food that has been served? How do you know when to use your fingers to eat and when you shouldn't?

Practicing good table manners while abroad - or while hosting a foreign guest - is a vital part of life. Whether you are dining at a castle, a restaurant, or at home, proper etiquette will take you far.

German table manners are similar to continental manners used in many American homes. When dining in Germany, if you remember the table manners you were taught, you will be halfway there.

When invited to lunch or dinner in Germany, it is vital that you arrive on time. Germans are punctual. To show up late for a meal is the equivalent of telling your host that you don't care that they spent a good amount of time preparing that meal for you. Not only can you destroy the plan for the afternoon or evening, but you can also cause the food to be cold or burnt when served.

It is important to bring a gift when invited for a meal. You may bring wine, if you like. Otherwise, you might bring flowers. Should you choose to do so, avoid white lilies, white carnations and chrysanthemums as they are traditionally funeral flowers. You'll also want to avoid red roses; as in America, these symbolize feelings of romance and may give the wrong impression to your hosts.

Be sure if you are meeting your host at home to compliment something in their home. Extending compliments is a nice way to acknowledge the time someone has spent preparing to have guests. It is appropriate to compliment a painting, piece of furniture, or even color scheme.

Do not sit down at the table before the host or hostess has shown you your seat and has sat down. When the first course is served, your host will usually say: Guten Appetit, which literally translates into: good appetite, meaning enjoy your meal. It's the sign for you that you may start eating.

Sometimes the first course will be soup. You will know how you will be expected to consume it by the way it is served. If it comes in a bowl placed upon a plate, you may use your spoon. Otherwise, if it is served in a cup with two handles, you may drink it. If in doubt, watch your host. Make sure you never tilt your plate to scoop out the rest, and that you eat the soup without making a noise! Do not slurp!

Your left hand holds the fork and the right hand holds the knife. You do not put your hand in your lap (as we are accustomed to in American dining). Meat is cut as you are ready to eat it, and it is lifted to your mouth with the fork in your left hand. Potatoes, dumplings and meat loaf are never cut with a knife. If you pause, cross your cutlery on top of your plate, then continue. When you finish your meal, deposit your cutlery parallel and diagonally across your plate.

If you are given a linen napkin, when the meal is finished, crumple the napkin and deposit it on the left side of your plate. Don't fold it up again. If you do, it indicates you think your hostess doesn't own enough clean napkins and should use this one again.

Smoking after the meal is an individual matter. If you do smoke, two rules apply: never smoke while someone is still eating, and never smoke between courses.

Don't lean across someone else's plate and don't put your elbows on the table, Don't ask for a second helping, but if you are offered one, you may accept a small portion. Don't forget to say Danke schön (thank you) and to praise the food after the meal.

Much of Turkish entertaining occurs in restaurants. Should you be invited to dinner in Turkey, do not offer to split the bill. The host always pays - by this same token, if you invite others to dinner at a restaurant, make sure you are prepared to pay for everyone.

It will be rather rare to receive a home invitation for lunch or dinner in Turkey. However, if you have the good fortune to be invited, accept. Like in Germany, bring flowers, but never bring wine or any other alcoholic beverage. Turkey is, after all, a Muslim country and you can make a big mistake there. You may bring chocolates instead.

When arriving, take off your shoes, even if your host tells you that it's not necessary. You will find an array of slippers waiting by the door.

Food in Turkey, particularly chicken, is more often eaten with your fingers than with cutlery. Lemon cologne will be splashed over your hands before the meal starts and again afterward. Unlike in Germany, expect there to be smoking breaks between courses.

For religious reasons, lift only your right hand to your mouth. Your hostess will say: Afiyet Olson, which means: enjoy your meal and you reply the same. Make sure that the eldest diner is served before you and, although Turkish meals are a lively affair, never speak with food in your mouth.

Unlike in Germany, asking for a second helping is a compliment, so go ahead. When using cutlery, the continental way applies, that is to say, fork in your left hand and knife in your right. Compliment the food and, if offered, accept a Turkish coffee to round off the meal. When drinking Turkish coffee, make sure you leave the coffee at the bottom and do not gulp. You'll find coffee grounds in the bottom of the cup, and this drink is meant to be savored.

By taking the time to properly prepare for your meals in these two countries, you can be sure that the dinner or lunch will be a success. It is important to understand that manners reflect upon the regard you hold for your host or hostess. Should you be boorish in someone's home, not only do you run the risk of offending that person, but if your purposes are business-oriented, you also run a real risk of losing the business of that individual.