Teenagers like to think and talk about love. They are often infatuated with the more shallow aspects of their peers and often fail to put any thought into what qualities would truly make for a wonderful future spouse. They also could use some realistic information about the steps needed before a couple is ready to have and support a family.
It is helpful for teenagers to read articles about positive relationships. With a 50% divorce rate in America, many teenagers have a negative impression of relationships and are quite cynical. Many teens are fond of the “friends with benefits” scheme and do not even think about concepts like “true love.” Bring in articles about how to have a strong relationship and marriage. Also share articles about the reality of life, and the cost of a home, current salaries and how they would (or would not) be able to pay a mortgage, and also of the importance of respect in a relationship.
This project is fun for students; they like to dream about their future. Start by asking students to sit in groups and discuss their wishes for their dream spouse. Then students will answer questions on the board about relationships to get them focused on thinking about what makes a relationship work or not.
The questions for this segment of the activity could include: Is the person kind? Is the person honest? Do you feel happy when you spend time with this person? Do your long-term goals mesh with the life plan of this person? Do you think you could share activities and a home with this person?
Next, discuss the questions within the groups and then ask volunteers from each group to share some of the answers with the class. There is usually a lot of humor involved in this activity. Once teenagers start really thinking about if they could have a future with someone the realization often arises that they are not really compatible.
Then ask the students to compile a list of traits that they feel would be most important in a future spouse. Have a list of words on the board that will help them brainstorm ideas. The list may include words like: career, kindness, salary, hobbies, where one wants to live, and work schedules.
Tell students to list at least 10 traits they want in their future spouse. Then ask them also to list a few “deal breakers.” What habits or activities could rule someone out from being a future spouse? Give examples such as smoking, gambling, infidelity while dating, abusive talk or physical violence, and so on. Ask students to think about what could permanently rule someone out from ever being a marriage prospect.
Circulate the room while students are compiling their lists of traits they want in a spouse and also the few deal breakers. Talk with students about their lists and answer their questions.
Then ask for volunteers who would like to share their lists of traits for a spouse. Some students will have compiled a very serious list and others will have humor. Ask at least 10 volunteers to talk about their lists. This helps students learn what their peers consider valuable in a spouse.
It is always fascinating to see how different the students’ lists will be. Some people may want someone who will settle into their home town. Other people want someone who may move to a totally different region / climate. Some people may want someone who will come home to dinner every night. Other people may want a business person who will travel all over the world for work.
Next, ask volunteers to discuss the deal breakers on their list. These topics will vary widely. For some a deal breaker will be: watches too much football, or talks too much on the phone. For others it will be salary is too low, or not enough education. Everyone has their own very personal criteria for their future spouse. When volunteers share their ideas with the class students learn a lot by hearing about the priorities of their peers.
By the teenage years many students have a very clear idea of the life and the spouse they want. This project allows them to delve into those thoughts more fully and think about their future.
To assess students on this project give them a grade for participation while they were brainstorming ideas in groups. Also give a grade to the list of traits for a dream spouse. Did they give at least ten traits? Is the spelling correct? Did they list a few deal breakers too? Students who volunteered to share their list of traits with the class will also receive extra credit points.
