Top 10 Reasons Not to Encourage Teacher Student Friendships

Article by Trent Lorcher (30,053 pts ) , published Sep 3, 2009

Your students don't really want to be your friend. They just want you to give them easy points and buy them beer.

Hollywood stereotypes teachers as the huffy-puffy type that everybody hates or the cool one that's everybody's friend. According to TV, the former is bad for education, bad for kids, and should be removed from the planet with a spear, a pitchfork, or some other painfully sharp object. The latter, according to TV, should be commended because they care about kids.

As with many issues, Hollywood has given a false portrayal. Although teachers should be friendly with students, they should never be friends. Although teachers should be supportive of students and even involved in their educational development, they should never be friends. A teacher student friendship is not healthy.

Top 10 Reasons Not to Encourage a Teacher Student Friendship

  1. You're three times their age: If you're hanging out with teenagers that aren't related to you in a non-professional, non-teacher mentoring capacity, then you're a loser.
  2. You teach high school. You don't go to high school: I'm sorry nobody wanted to date you or be your friend when you were sixteen, but let go of the past.
  3. It's kind of creepy: You have to admit it's kind of creepy.
  4. They don't really want to be your friend: They really don't. In fact, the last thing they need is a socially undeveloped thirty something dork ruining their parties.
  5. You could be accused of something like this: Although you probably aren't as big of a loser as some, you leave yourself open to accusation by getting too close.
  6. Loss of integrity: Becoming friends with your students undermines your authority and makes it difficult to assess students with integrity.
  7. Classroom management suffers: When you become friends with your students, it becomes extrememly difficult to get them to take you seriously.
  8. Get a life: If you had friends of your own, you probably wouldn't need to befriend people half your age. Get a life already.
  9. You don't want to end up on Dr. Phil: Teacher student friendships sounds like a Dr. Phil episode, but instead of him humiliating some adultering overeater with credit card debt, he'll be humiliating you.
  10. They're kind of annoying: Don't get me wrong. I love my students. I am a good teacher mentor. I want them to succeed. I support them in their school-related activities. I provide mentoring when they need it. I give them help when they want it. But man are they annoying!

Comments

Aug 13, 2009 7:53 AM
N.
RE: Top 10 Reasons Not to Encourage Teacher Student Friendships
Hey there. This is a quite intreresting article about this topic, nowadays i try to read a lot about it, cuz i am in a relationship with a teacher. i mean not like you would think, we are friends. And it is not so cool.. i mean he is a nice teacher and everyone likes him in the school, but noone really knows him. he has some problems like all of us. but the point is that he is all alone, in a different country, away from home, sometimes it's pretty hopeless for him. and sometimes i help him, i try to do my best, because he really needs me. i went to his place a few times when he was way too down, but nothing embarassing happened, you know what i mean, there is no sexual attraction or something like that. but still, i think it is improper. it is not that crazy as Eloise's story though, i mean that is a bit too MUCH i think. but my case.. it is not healthy as you said. but i cannot let him down and he cant neither. i am a good person i think anthough i have an older friend.. i have two more years till graduation. and i am kind of confused, because i dont really know what he thinks, or wants. but think he is a good guy and he is just glad that someone cares about him in bad times.. we are not 'addicted' though, i mean we do not hang out too much together, so i guess it is not THAT serious. but should i feel bad because of this??
thank you for listening. :)
Jun 21, 2009 12:19 AM
Ridiculous
I'm glad you feel so strongly about your teachers. It sounds like you've had some great ones. Teachers should care about students. My wife remains good friends with her high school cross country coach, for example.

I think we're talking about two different things.

You say, "Thanks to these wonderful people, I have looked forward to class each and every day. These teachers do more than teach-- they are mentors, people to look up to, individuals whom I deeply respect. I love my teachers, and fully intend to keep in touch with them after high school; they have become like family."

I doubt, however, you hung out with them at their house, at parties, or at any other non-supervised activity.

The point of my (slightly hyperbolic, tongue-in-cheek) article is that teachers need to be careful how they spend their time with students. Hanging out, conversing on the phone, and other "friend" activities have the potential to ruin lives.

I appreciate your comments Eloise and wish you the best of luck. Feel free to run this by those teachers you are friends with and let me know what they think.

Jun 20, 2009 11:33 PM
Eloise
Ridiculous
I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with this article. I'm a graduating high school senior, and I am very happy and proud to say that I have become close friends with some of my teachers. Thanks to these wonderful people, I have looked forward to class each and every day. These teachers do more than teach-- they are mentors, people to look up to, individuals whom I deeply respect. I love my teachers, and fully intend to keep in touch with them after high school; they have become like family. Teacher-students friendships are extremely important, and greatly benefit both the student and the teacher. I'm very sorry that you have obviously never had such wonderful relationships. You've truly missed out on something.
 
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