The Key to Dealing with School Problems in Your Adolescent - Building Resilience

So what is this thing called resilience? Where does it come from, and how do I help my adolescent with building resilience?

Resilience is really a quality that helps adolescents cope with the pits and troughs of life. How to build resilience can be a tricky issue, as different things will often work for different adolescents. There are a few basic fundamentals when it comes to building resilience that can help. Life is not always smooth sailing, but it certainly seems to be the case that some adolescents cope with the ride better than others. So what is it that makes the difference?

Resilience is one of the tools in the ‘coping’ tool bag. This means that adolescents can see something has gone wrong, work out a sensible strategy and then move on - both physically and emotionally from the experience. Kids who are resilient are able to understand that not everything will go well all the time. They know that problems come up and need to be fixed. They understand that life sometimes involves sadness, distress and disappointment.

From a parenting point of view, it is challenging to help a young person with building resilience - particularly if it is a concept you are coming to when your child is already well into their teen years. Resilience comes from a blending of family experiences, peer group, social and educational experiences through childhood and access to significant adults in life (other than parents) who can be called upon to offer help and support. Of course, there is probably also a fair degree of basic personality which is part of resilience – as evidenced by the fact that some kids do seem to struggle despite some fabulous parenting while others do well regardless of their early experiences.

Some tips to building resilience include:

1. Having open and clear communication channels with your adolescent
2. Providing clear and consistent boundaries which are well explained and reasonable
3. Being willing to discuss and reason with your young person rather than just ‘telling them how it is’
4. Role modeling the sorts of behavior you would love to see them use as well (such as identifying work goals and working to achieve them)
5. Talking through how you deal with your own problems so they understand that there is a rational process that can be used to identify and fix difficult issues in life
6. Encouraging relationships with trusted other adults (family members, neighbors, teachers etc)
7. Encouraging participation in sports or other groups or hobbies
8. Ensuring access to education is regular and ongoing and consistent
9. Being an active and engaged participant in your child's education

Remember that building resilience isn't something that will happen overnight for any young person. Resilience has to be worked upon and developed with new experiences, understandings and information. Above all, parents can help their adolescent by providing a family environment which is safe, full of positive role models and shows through action and communication that nothing happens in life that cannot be solved or managed or, in the very least, understood.